


Waiting for the Hook to pull

by ButtercupsMagician



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Origins - Awakening
Genre: Character Study, Commander Mahariel, Gen, Warden Mahariel (Dragon Age)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-19
Updated: 2020-06-19
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:35:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24810931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ButtercupsMagician/pseuds/ButtercupsMagician
Summary: Anders sees a wild dalish commander that makes him question a lot of things.A brief collection of thoughts that reflect Anders story through Awakening.
Relationships: Anders & Warden (Dragon Age), Background Zevran/Female Mahariel - Relationship
Kudos: 10





	Waiting for the Hook to pull

The Commander continued to be an enigma to Anders.

He had heard all kinds of tales of her during the blight, some so overly dramatic and heroic that even he scoffed at them. He had not recognized her at first, when she came to him during the battle. This small, dainty elf woman, all heavy armor and blazing eyes, cutting through the darkspawn like she never did anything else.

It took him not long, surely, to put the pieces together, the blue and silver armor and the mabari sure did the trick, but in the first moment he had been too surprised. She had been so harsh in battle, yet so kind in conversation, that he kept looking for the hook. He did not want to believe any of the outrageous tales people told about her, but when he saw her slice up that darkspawn, saw her shooting down the templars and saw how the king looked at her, he wondered if not maybe some of them were true.

He had no illusion that she kept him for the wardens because she did not want to give in to the templars demands, and really, who was he to miss out on a chance to get away from the circle, he knew that slight flash of teeth from the dalish, almost polite but too seething to really fool anyone. He was a tool in her hands, but he was not yet sure what she needed him for. Because that was why she kept him around, because he was useful to her, or so he hoped, and he tried to be useful, because she was pretty much everything that stood between him and tranquility.

So he followed her when she called for him and threw fireballs at everything she told him to, which was surprisingly much, _andrastes tit’s how much trouble that woman could find_ , but he enjoyed using magic that much and out in the open, without fearing templars jumping at him any second. Days went by fast when you had to fight darkspawn all day and they just kept coming, but when they came home, Howe brooding and trotting off to his room, the Commander gave him a small smile, sometimes even clasped his shoulder, before leaving him to do as he pleased for the rest of the evening.

Anders was suspicious, alright?

This was all way too easy, the daily almost dying aside, and he tried not to let her lure him in, but how could he resist? _She had brought him a kitten, for andraste’s sake_! Really, he had no idea when it happened, but suddenly he found himself surrounded by this wayward squad of more or less crazy people - the least crazy one being Howe, _he was to busy brooding to be crazy_ \- and he realized, he never felt at home like he did between Oghren burping and Velanna rolling her eyes while they sat around the fire in the small hall, the Commander curled up in her chair, watching them with a small smile.

Anders looked down at Sir Pouncealot in his lap and tried not to let the realization and the panic that came with it show. How did he miss growing so attached to these people? He tried not to let it show, but suddenly he felt too happy and then he felt trapped and what if it is just a trick to make him feel safe only to be snatched up by the templars the second he doesn’t look? He tries to joke it down, deflect whenever he can, but he sees it in the Commanders eyes that she knows something is up.

He had always been unsettled by the dalish, there was something in their eyes that humans and city elves lacked, some spark of wildness, something more that he just could not grasp, and that scared him. She did not ask though, stoically carrying on with her mission as he followed her in her track, trying to understand what powered her through.

When they came into the city and he saw an old contact he thought that maybe this was his way out, he had escaped templars, he could surely escape a very resourceless and busy Commander? The thought only lasted as long as they were following the tracks and ended with them in a dark shack, suddenly surrounded by templars. _It’s true then_ , he thought, already feeling the shackles on his hands and feet, so cold and saw the iron that would burn on his forehead and-

The Commander grinned, not the toothy smile when Oghren talked about his daughter, or the bright open laugh she had for her mabari, nor the amused eyeroll she gave Howe from time to time.

No, this was something dark and vicious, and Anders saw the woman who cut down a tower full of demons, killed an ancient werbeast, slayed a war veteran lord experienced way beyond her at the thing. This was the feral grin of a woman facing a dragon and coming out alive. He knew templars were not the smartest, but this was suicide.

“Over my dead body.” She had said when they demanded him and he had not even time to process this before she had moved, daggers buried in the throats of two, before she launched herself at their leader. He had never taken the Commander for a cruel person, but what she did then, it had Howe back up and him frozen.

They did not speak of what happened for days, only when it was late and they were as drunk as Oghren on a good day, only the two of them left in front of the fire, he asked her why. _Why defend him? Why keep him around?_ A small part of him longed for her then, the fire that burned inside her. She smiled at him, saying something in dalish that he did not understand. The next he did, though: “You are clan now.” And he understood. He had met a dalish clan once and he knew how close they were, and honestly, he could see it in every action she took.

He knew not what had made her leave her own, but he knew enough of pain to recognize it in others, so he did not ask, he only thought that maybe it would not be that bad to belong at least.

A revelation came with Oghrens ramblings, he often talked about their adventures during the blight, but none of them consisted of the Commander, who was for once not with them, and the elven assassin they had with them back then. Sure, he had heard about this illusive Zevran before, he was the major role in a lot of hilarious story’s Oghren told, but not even once had he mentioned who he was to the Commander. It left him confused, somewhere inside him he had come to realize that he may be in love with the Commander, surely he would never say so, she was something else, their guidance and fire, but that’s just why he might never touch her. “Sodding elf daintily pranced off to cut open some nobles.” Oghren said, telling of the antivan taking on a war on the crows, and Anders understood why she sometimes stared out of the window, hand rubbing on her ear, the one lonely earring she wore.

 _That kind of love then_ , he wondered how he did not see it, but then again he had no experience with love, it was not something he learned in the circle. But he was clan, she had said.

He watched her then, tried to understand how this worked, how they were a team, saw how she gave all of them different kinds of love; hushed dalish talks with Velanna, loud laughing with Oghren, spinning tales with Sigrun, and the strange thing she did with Justice when they stared at each other for a while before she smiled. He thought of her and then he thought of the lover he left behind at the circle, and while he loved her, it was not the same, but he was grateful nonetheless. And he would probably be forever, she had saved him in more than one way and then let him go.

He did not think as much as he probably should have before merging with justice, but he met her eyes shortly before he snuck out of the keep, she had seen him, and she's had something in her eyes that said that she knew.


End file.
